Future sex is a mystery! Sometimes you just don’t know when you’re going to have sex with another person next. You could have some inconsistent hookups that may or may not ever be happening again and ugh whatever (hi college), you could be a non-slutty dater and between Special Someones, you could be a slut taking a break, you could sleep in the same bed as your inamorata and think you’re going to have sex but then you just don’t, you could be a virgin. Because I think about sex a lot regardless of whether or not there is Impending Partner Sex on the horizon and because I generally enjoy planning ahead for every eventuality, here are some things that make me feel all nice and prepared for sex even if I don’t explicitly know when it is going to happen in real life:
1. Doing my Kegels. Kegels are good for ALL types of bodies, did you know that? Not having a vagina does not disqualify you from Kegels! Kegels are good for sex because of a PC muscle/Pudendal nerve connection: work those muscles and you will be more sexually sensitive. I do my Kegels when I’m sitting here typing, but also when I’m at the gym and I’m squeezing everything for good posture with weights etc. anyway.
2. Masturbating in a different way than last time. I learned this a few weeks ago on the Sex Nerd Sandra podcast! Practicing getting off in different ways at different times of day will make it easier with a partner because your genitals won’t be primed to get pleasure from just one thing. It makes so much sense! This is easier for some people than it is for others, so “practicing” is definitely a key word. Also, peeing after masturbating to practice for partner sex because UTIs are the worst and I feel like it’s a good idea to practice peeing when you don’t always really feel like it for this reason.
3. Taking my cranberry pills. I used to be so diligent about peeing after sex and I would still get UTIs until I picked up my 14 dollar/mo Triple Strength Cranberry vitamin habit: it probably works by building up a nice protective layer inside my urethra so foreign bacteria can’t stick to the sides and make me sick for days and Planned Parenthood and antibiotics and ugh. My vitamin of choice has 504 mg per 2-softgel dose, which is the highest I’ve been able to find.
4. Thinking sexy thoughts. Obviously I am doing this because I am writing about sex-related things every day and you are doing this if you are reading them. Reading and writing and thinking and talking about sex make me feel more confident that I’ll enjoy it with fewer inhibitions when it happens.
Bonus thing I’m definitely not doing: thinking too hard about exactly when I am going to have sex next. I used to do this a lot, and it was a waste of brain-space and didn’t make me feel good. I prefer now to just think of myself as a “sexual person”, so the focus is off the actual times in which I am having sex and more on just my sexuality as something that is a great a part of me even if I’m the only one around to enjoy it.